Sutebean

Don't Ask

2008-09-30T22:33:00.000-07:00

Please...Don't,
Don't ask me how I feel.
Don't ask me to stay .
Don't ask me to try .
Don't ask me to listen.
Don't ask me to trust you.
Don't ask me for more.
Don't ask me to feel you.
Don't ask me to be honest.
Don't ask me to let down these walls.
Don't ask me to love you.
Don't ask me to trust you.
Don't ask me to kiss you.
Don't ask me to just understand.
Don't ask me to think about it.
Don't ask me why I run.
Don't ask me if I want this.
Don't ask me to trust you.
Don't ask me to calm down.
Don't ask me to forget.
Don't ask me why I cry.
Don't ask me why it's still you.

Sneakers, Sneakers, Love My Sneakers

2008-09-18T20:57:00.000-07:00

Poor fashionistas with your hobo bags and spendy JimmyChoos.
I'm just a simple girl with love for tennis shoes.
Better believe I own a couple pair of heels,
But I buy'em at Ross or Volume for a steal.
Sure I look good in heels and they make me feel sexy,
All that is just a state of mind for this little Mexi.
Ladies you can keep your corns and other foot pains,
Keep spending in ways that drive your men insane.
Its a beautiful day to get some sneaks at under 40 dollars.
Finding a pair for under 10 makes me holla!
No surgery for me, I don't have to mutilate my feet.
I can walk all day in the county, all night on city streets.
Its my favorite outfit, jeans, sneakers, and a T-shirt.
Feeling flirty, its docs or flip-flops and a mini-skirt.
Over time, sure, sometimes sneakers can get a bit smelly,
But I swear, the perfect pair is better than Baer's peach jelly!
Cons, pumas, nikes, my Steve Maddens too,
Colorful, graphic sneakers, I heart you!

Unspectacular Quirks

2008-08-10T00:35:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine recently reminded me that as a writer it is important to keep writing. Even when one finds themselves dominated by the common domestics of life, lacking simple motivation, or suffering from a case of maddening block. He was absolutely right. I had forgotten that it is imperative to keep the penball rolling in order to sustain and cultivate a personal literary occupation.
I dutifully attempt to write something everyday. Not out of any obligation but for a fervent need within me. Like prayer, it comforts my heart. Admittedly there are days when I pen only a to-do or grocery list. However, those lists are usually accompanied by clumsy doodles that even a six year old wouldn't claim. But those doodles, to me, represent some form of emotional articulation.
Lately I have found myself busy with summer fun, chores, and a new series of leisure reading I'm addicted to. There are several projects started in my notebook that are only evolving a few lines at a time due to my afore-mentioned preoccupations. Luckily for me Tashabud shared an exercise to compose and publish my 6 unspectacular quirks, so here are only six...

1) I am always making noises and singing. In the shower, we all know acoustics are amazing for singing. They may even be better for burping. I do both nearly every time I'm in the shower. There is a time and a place to act like a lady, sometimes I just have a hard time getting there. Besides I have the right to act like a lady or not in the privacy of my own shower. Anyone who who has spent any duration of time with or near me is aware that I am rarely quiet or still. Silence on my part is usually a warning to those who know me. Aware that being bubbly and noisy can irritate people, I try to keep it in check but I am who I am, and my friends love me anyway. I have had several roommates share with me how quiet it seems after I have vacated. Some of them even miss it. The singing and noises.

2) I sleep in a hammock. I recently abandoned a bunch of furniture for the 2000 mile move, and one of the things I dropped was my bed. I've had a queen size bed forever and I didn't think it would be practical for moving in a new town with few acquaintances and even fewer friends, a.k.a. occasional moving helpers. Mom thinks its just weird, and Dad wouldn't waste the time to think about it. Luna loves it and so do I! Its big enough for two and way comfortable for one. Besides, if I'm gonna live on a boat someday...

3) I am a Jeep girl. I love jeeps. I have been a jeep girl all my life and have the hotwheels toys to prove it! Some of my earliest memories are playing in the back of my dad's bright yellow willy's frame while he's busy in the garage. I bought my first one new in '04. Dad wouldn't let me have one when I was younger due to my wild-child nature. He's a smart dad. He even bought me an RC jeep that looks like mine for my 26th birthday. Gosh, I love my dad! Just to clarify, by jeeps I'm referring to jeep wranglers, not jeep cherokees, and definitely not the barbie wranglers with the square headlights! I don't know what the design team was thinking when they put those into production. Thank goodness they came to their senses and brought back the rounds!

4) I don't like celery unless it has hotwing sauce on it. I don't know why but I've always hated celery. It just tastes gross! When I went to Fire on the Mountain for the first time a couple years ago, I had no choice, I actually had to eat some celery. To sample their numerous fantastical sauces you are offered slivers of celery. They wouldn't let me dip my fingers in the cups so I bit the bullet and the celery. It wasn't so bad drowned in fantastical sauce, and the weird thing is that now I sometimes crave celery with classic hotwing sauce and some bleu cheese! But I still can't stand it with or in anything else. Thank you Fire on the Mountain for broadening my horizons and the kick-ass hotwings. You can also get fried snickers and twinkies there. The cooks don't like to do the snickers cause they can get messy or something, so tip 'em! Fire on the Mountain is a must if you're ever lucky enough to visit Portland. (The one on the left coast.)

5) I won an international drinking contest. As I have matured, this is not necessarily a point of pride but a little fact about me none the less. I was in college, and the majority of my mom's family had picked Puerto Villarta, Mexico as the destination to celebrate one of my grandparent's comemorable wedding anniversaries. We were all gathered at the resort's fiesta, when all of a sudden, my brother pushed me up on stage. I was already drunk and didn't realize what he had volunteered me for. The host introduced all of us ladies and explained the rules. There were around a dozen of us up there, different ages and nationalities. Needless to say, well rehearsed due to previous competitive challenges with stupid frat boys, I kicked some ass. As I was awarded my prize, a litre of Cuervo, I promptly informed my dad, "See, I did learn something in college!" My uncle then proceeded to win the men's drinking competition, no joke. I often wonder just how proud my grandparents were that night...

6) My conversation style is extremely scattered. At least when I write I can focus. Conversation with me is hardly ever focused. Once I even ended up getting a date with my new supervisor during the interview. I just talked my way into the job and into a new boyfriend. There is really only one other person I can have a comfortably fluid conversation with other than my mother and that's Joe. Mom and I communicate like mother and daughter should, naturally and lovingly. When something is really important, and needs to be shared that particular conversation, one of us will say, "Wait. I need to tell you, before I forget and we get to talking about other things..." Come to think of it, we do housework like that too. Dad once referred to mom's method as "kangaroo housework because she's always jumping from chore to chore or project to project." I recently realized that I also possess this talent. My father loves my mother and I very much, I know this. But no matter how much he loves me, I'm aware that conversations with me can at times get to him. Either because I can't stick to the subject at hand or because I just talk too much. I really try to keep the phone conversations with him short out of courtesy, but again, I am who I am, and he loves me anyway. Just like a dad should. As for Joe, we just communicate well. As I remember, talking to him was always easy, natural, comfortable. I'm sure we've started more conversations than we'll ever finish and that's ok. I never feel like I have to try and focus when we talk. It wouldn't be fair to say he's scatter-brained too, but his erratic subject variation rivals mine. Conversations with other friends, I attempt to focus, not always successfully but if I keep practicing eventually I'll get it. Or we'll get to be so old that it won't matter 'cause we won't remember what we were talking about anyway. Cheers!

4 Things

2008-08-06T02:03:00.000-07:00

I picked up this “Four Things” from Tashabud's site. Thought it would be fun, so here goes.

Four jobs I've had:
1) Hotel front desk clerk
2) Child monitor at a research center
3) Preloader for UPS
4) Medical Laboratory Technician

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1) The Boondock Saints
2) Clay Pigeons
3) Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy
4) Kung Fu Hustle

Four places I've lived:
1) California
2) Oregon
3) Wyoming
4) Dunno Yet

Four Pet Peeves:
1) Gas prices
2) Angry, Rude, and Negative People
3) Children who lack respect, manners, and honesty
4) Traffic

Four TV shows I love:
1) Dexter
2) Tour of Duty
3) Reno 911
4) The Office

Four places I've vacationed:
1) Cobham, England
2) All over Costa Rica
3) Kunitachi / Nasu, Japan
4) Victoria Island, Canada

Four of my favorite dishes
1) Grilled Steak
2) Scallops
3) Seared Salmon / Sushi
4) Peach or Pineapple anything!

Four sites I visit daily:
1) Email / Blog
2) Work
3) KWOD
4) MSN / Fox news

Four places I would rather be right now:
1) With my family
2) The beach
3) My future boathouse
4) Alaska

People I tag:
I don't know what it means to "tag" someone.

Ode to KWOD

2008-08-01T01:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, I never thought I would listen to radio this much. Let alone one station. But I have completely fallen for KWOD. This is the best station ever. I missed KNRK from Portland and would stream it at night while at work. Then I stumbled upon this Sacramento station and holy poop! Sorry Portland but KNRK has got nothing on KWOD. If music was a drug, I would be a junkie for life and KWOD would be my pimpin' dealer. Anyone who knows me is aware that music is absolutely necessary for me to function properly. The folks I work with are especially tolerant of me blaring my noise and absently standing in as lead vocals from time to time. As I have absolutely no musical talent what so ever, my performances are almost certainly more irritating than the music to the more seasoned generations in the lab. Still, they are kind enough to let me howl away. Living out here in cowboy country leaves me starved for modern music culture. But KWOD has taken me home with such a kick-ass assortment of music. Tonight alone I heard the pixies, weezer, reverend horton heat, less than jake, ramones, ludo, sublime, social d, some reggae, and lots of new stuff too. They have awesome contests, hilarious commercial spoofs, and that Adam Carolla is one funny muther f'er. Every time I work in the hematology department my 62 year old supervisor asks me how much more noise until Adam comes on. Scars on broadway could be playing and he won't ask me to turn it off 'cause he likes to listen to Adam so much. I gotta admit, its pretty funny seeing a 62 year old man with his nose in the microscope, chuckling to himself over masturbation jokes. Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for bringing a little left coast to me while I'm killing time in Cheyenne. KWOD you're the best!!

Hey Joe

2008-07-29T02:02:00.000-07:00

2000 miles back in Oregon lives this guy named Joe.
At times I considered myself lucky to know.
Joe had the most beautiful eyes and a super, great butt.
We met, he was different, I knew it, could feel it in my gut.
For a while we dated, he was awesome, a real friend.
Idiotic, young and selfish, I brought it to an end.
Didn't want to let go, kept trying to stay in touch,
But I'd hurt him and he'd finally had enough.
Making it clear he had no interest in hearing my shit,
I kept secret the sad news I got after the split.
Seems stupid and strange that fate crossed our paths time after time.
More than 10 years have now passed and often Joe still visits my mind.
I didn't need all those years to realize he was special,
Despite dating all those guys who turned out mental.
We spoke for the first time in over a decade just last Saturday.
Joe and I are friends again; no harbored anger or dues to pay.
Its been a little hard to focus lately, I keep seeing those almond eyes...
I'm so glad you found me Joe, and is that ass of yours still wicked nice?

Killer instinct?

2008-07-29T00:51:00.000-07:00

Psychopath Test:

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a man she did not know. She thought he was 'amazing' and she believed him to be her dream partner. So much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.
Question: What was her motive for killing her sister? Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below.

Answer: She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist. He used it to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you. If you did answer correctly...

Literary vomit

2008-07-24T00:22:00.000-07:00

Today I enjoyed the most exquisite thunderstorm yet this year! Finally, a commanding barrage of lightening and thunder!! Last year upon my arrival these storms were a daily occurrence. At times it seemed the ferocity of the concussions were delivering tangible blows to the very wounds I was nursing.
I wondered on more than one occasion if the level of indignation and simultaneous resolve I was feeling had invited such fantastical displays. If somehow this overwhelming conflict of core emotions had created some kind of cosmic junction where the very particles surrounding me had to release that exponential energy.
But this afternoon as these kinetic particles found their polar counterparts, roaring and igniting in ecstasy, I was also sated. Each clap and rumble in the celestial symphony seemed to caress my internal being. I awoke, curious if I was dreaming. When I realized the storm was real, I had to leave my hammock and move upstairs to the living room just to get a little closer. Flooded with peace, I was delighted to take inventory of my life at present and find absolute contentment. Thank God for perseverance, free will, and thunderstorms.

Yikes!

2008-07-11T01:51:00.000-07:00

You are The Tower

Ambition, fighting, war, courage. Destruction, danger, fall, ruin.

The Tower represents war, destruction, but also spiritual renewal. Plans are disrupted. Your views and ideas will change as a result.

The Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." You have been shaken up; blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What's most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.